


Horse Shant

by voleuse



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-23
Updated: 2005-09-23
Packaged: 2017-10-04 09:58:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voleuse/pseuds/voleuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This definitely wasn't in his job description.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Horse Shant

**Author's Note:**

> Set during late S4, no spoilers.

Lorelai breaks the news to Michel as gently as she can.

She takes him to a Hartford coffeeshop that's disguised as a café. She pays for his foamy and nonfat excuse for coffee. She even pays him for his time; she calls it a business lunch.

She smiles with as much charm as she can muster. She does not use strong language. She even hints at the possibility of a raise.

He still takes it badly.

He sets his cup down with an ungraceful clink. Stares at her without blinking. A vein in his forehead begins to throb.

She closes her eyes and braces herself for the tirade, but all that he manages is a sentence.

"And what exactly do you mean by horses?"

*

 

"I hate you," he pronounces loudly. "All three of you."

Lorelai leans against the stable's door, waves an arm in the direction of the horses.

"Don't hurt their feelings!" She steps forward to stroke Desdemona's neck, pat Cletus on the nose. "They're people, too."

"I hate people," Michel snaps. "You in particular."

Lorelai steps back again, claps her hands imperiously in an attempt to thwart the ambient French animosity.

"Hate aside, Michel, you said you knew how to ride." She leads Cletus out of the stable. "And it's only fair you take Cletus out for a test drive. We've all had to ride one or the other."

Michel grumbles, but pulls himself into the saddle. He leans over Cletus' neck. "You are my sworn enemy," he hisses.

"Oh, you." She grins. "Don't make me blush."

Michel sits up abruptly, starts to say something in French, undoubtedly something she never learned in academy.

Cletus, however, seems to understand quite a bit.

Michel's barely mid-rant when Cletus snorts, dances on his hooves, then begins to trot across the lawn.

Michel yelps and clings to the reins. This action only seems to provoke Cletus, who picks up speed.

Lorelai gasps, jogs after them. "Michel! Are you okay?" She jogs beside Cletus, skipping every third step to keep up.

"No, I am not okay," Michel shouts.

"I thought you said you knew how to ride!"

"This horse is defective! It won't stop!" He tugs on the reins again; Cletus speeds up.

Lorelai stumbles a bit, falls behind. "God, it's like a slow-motion car chase."

"This is not the time to make jokes!"

She starts running after them again, until she realizes Cletus is trotting in circles.

"What are you doing?" Michel asks.

"Your head looks kind of wobbly from here," she remarks.

"Call the authorities!"

"Like who? Eddie Murphy?" Lorelai puts her hands on her hips, swivels on her heel to watch them. "I think we're okay."

"We?" Michel clutches Cletus' mane. "You are not the one riding a runaway horse!"

Lorelai begins to follow Cletus' path again, in a brisk walk. "I think he's slowing down, Michel."

"I demand hazard pay," Michel pronounces from his seat. "And overtime."

She sighs, and walks away.

*

 

When Michel limps into the lobby, twenty minutes later, Lorelai is leaning against the reception desk and reading _Vanity Fair_.

"How you doing there, cowboy?" she asks, then flips a page.

Michel straightens his jacket. "I hate you."

"Aside from that."

"I hate animals."

"Okay." She looks up from the latest in Givenchy. "But if any guests ask about the horses, don't tell them that."

He sniffs. "I hope your insurance is paid."

She nods. "But if a guest asks?"

"I will direct them to that hobo you hired to feed those wretched beasts."

"His name is James."

"Fine. James."

Michel snatches the magazine away from her.

She rolls her eyes, and lets him.


End file.
